Case Studies for basic Arab friendships
In "Understanding Arabs" by Margaret Nydell, it gives many good basics to understanding Arabs, their culture, and why they are the way that they are so as not to offend them in any way. This book is very helpful to building meaningful and lasting friendships with Arabs.
Case Study 1-What's in a friend?
A American man and his wife traveled to Saudi Arabia where they became friends with an Arab couple. After they had been introduced, the Arab couple kept stopping by or calling the American couple to see if they wanted to visit or do something together. Tired of this, the American man finally told the Arab man that he needed to stop calling because they had no privacy and needed to have more alone time. The Arab man was taken aback by this statement and didn't understand why the American man didn't want to be his friend.
What is the difference between what Westerners perceive as a friendship as opposed to Arab's and their point of view? In the future, what should the American man do differently so as not to offend the Arab?
Remember, Arab's want to be your friend. This means they will want to constantly visit with you and check up on you because they care about how you are doing. If you want to be friends with an Arab, you must be willing to increase the frequency of your personal contacts or feelings and damage will happen in the relationship.
Case Study 2-How to go about business.
An American supervisor was discussing a draft report at some length with his Iranian employee. He asked him to rewrite more than half of it, adding, "You must have entirely misunderstood what I wanted." The Iranian was deeply hurt and said to one of the other employees, "I wonder why he doesn't like me."
What did the American do wrong in this situation? What might a better approach to this situation be?
A possible solution may be for the American to approach the Iranian and say, "You are doing excellent work here, and this is a good report. We need to revise a few things, however; let's look at this again and work through it together, so we can make it even better."
Case Study 3-What to and not to talk about with Arabs.
An American met with her Arab friend. When the Arab asked how the American was doing, she replied, "Not so good. I hate my parents. They're always telling me what to do and never leave me alone. I want to be free to choose whatever I want but they're so demanding!" The Arab looked at the American in shock and didn't understand how she could be so disrespectful to her parents.
What was the American's first mistake in this situation? How might she have answered the question?
Arabs are very concerned with others and want to be there, but when someone has negative things to say about family, they don't want to hear about it. Family is central to Arab culture. A better way to have approached this would've been to not say anything negative and focus on a positive aspect of life. If you don't have anything positive to say about your family, it is best to avoid the subject.
Case Study 4-Don't give Arab's the evil eye!
An Arab came over to his American friends' house. The Arab was excited to show the American the new car he had bought. As the American found the car, he expressed himself saying, "Wow! That's an expensive car. I wish I had something as nice as that. All I have is my dad's old beat up truck." The Arab was extremely offended and left his friends' house immediately.
Why was the Arab offended in this situation? What would be a better response for the American to give the Arab?
A better response would be to say, "May you always drive it safely." In Arab culture, if you express envy towards something, it is referred to as the "evil eye". Many Arabs believe strongly in this and that a person or thing can actually be harmed if viewed with an "evil eye". Remember to always give good responses that seem optimistic and make them feel safe.
Case Study 5-Being smart about religious affiliations.
An Arab confronted a group of American tourists and asked about their religion. The Americans replied that they didn't have any religious affiliations and didn't believe in God. The Arab was astonished and began to push the Americans to join Islam. The Americans were overwhelmed at how pushy the Arab was about this and didn't know how to react. They simply stated they didn't believe in God and walked away, leaving the Arab completely offended.
Why might have the Arab been so offended? What is a better answer for the Americans to give to the Arab?
Arabs take their religion very seriously and lose respect if someone mentions they are atheist or agnostic. When asked about religion, do not mention this or Arabs will be offended and may very well, as in the situation above, push their religion on you. Because religion is a top priority to Muslims, it is offensive to not believe in God and not practice a religion. It is important to note that you may state that you are of another faith. Arabs are respectful to anyone who truly practices and believes in his or her religion, no matter what it is.
Case Study #6-Inviting an Arab over for a meal.
After being introduced to some Arabs, an American couple invited the Arabs over to their house to eat dinner. The appointment was set for 6:00-10:00 pm that night. When the time rolled around, they were offended when the Arab's showed up a half an hour late. They hurried the Arabs to the table to eat the meal prepared. When the food was brought out, the Americans noticed an almost disappointed look on their faces as if they were displeased with the meal. After the meal, as they were having some casual conversations, the Arab man began to smoke. The American man asked him to stop because they didn't allow smoking in their house. The Arab man was shocked at this and although he stopped he began to smoke a while later again. After a while the Americans told the Arab's they had to leave because they needed to get to sleep and it was past the time for their appointment. The Arab's seemed surprised at the sudden gesture for them to leave and left a bit disappointed.
Can you pick out the different problems in this situation? Can you provide a better scenario so as not to offend Arab's?
Arab's do not think it's rude to show up late to an appointment. They also don't expect to eat right away. In this situation they may have seemed rushed into eating so quickly after arrival. When serving Arab's, make sure there's enough food for people to have multiple servings. The Arab's may have been offended at the lack of food provided by Americans. In Arab culture, it is a natural thing for them to smoke. To ask them not to and be pushy about it is considered unreasonable. It is also rude to push Arab's into leaving. They like the conversation and don't like be constrained to time.
References for more information
Nydell, Margaret K. Understanding Arabs. Massachusetts: Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 2006
(All case studies came from Nydell's "Understanding Arabs". For further rules of etiquette and understanding Arabs, you may want to purchase and read this book for additional helpful tips and information on how to be friends with and respect Arabs and their culture.)
Credit to:
Holly Vogelsberg